I received an email from Gary, who presumably didn’t have all his holiday wishes come true — and is working ahead for Valentine’s Day:

I’m wondering what you think is the best way to get your girl to wear sexy lingerie. I buy her expensive made-to-measure corsets and stockings and yet they remain in their boxes or tucked away in her drawers rather than worn. How do I get her to wear it?

I had my own ideas, but I wanted to be sure I didn’t miss anything — so I contacted my friend, Slip of a Girl, in chat. This is a cut & paste of that conversation, with a few typos cleaned up.

Slip of a Girl: Well, let’s believe that he has avoided most (if not all) of the lingerie gift giving pitfalls, like it’s the right size and that he should be giving her lingerie in the first place (there’s plenty of advice on that at my blog), and look at the proper gift-giving attitude.

Me: Yeah, the first thing I thought of was how she may feel that there was no way that sexy lingerie was going to fit with him being a monkey on her back naggin’ her about it! If/when a woman feels pressured to do something, well, that’s a sure way to get her to refuse.

Slip: True! And it the gift feels more like a gift for him — that she’s to do something for him, rather than him treating her — well, that’s grounds for a fight more than anything else. But much of that is in the presentation, and if she kept the gifts without chucking them or him, then likely he’s passed that part. *wink*

Me: Right, so what we’re talking about her could very well be an image or self-esteem issue.

Slip: Exactly. And there’s no one-size-fits-all booster for that.

Me: Well, I actually think there is… Not that we can give a word-by-word cheat-sheet, but I think the key is to seduce her into wanting to wear the lingerie by letting her know how much it means to him, giving very detailed descriptions of his fantasy of her wearing that lingerie.

Slip: I see where you’re going! I know nothing would get me hotter than my hubby describing me to me!

Me: I know! And the key is that he has to stick to the subject of her — not some fantasy woman in his head, a former lover in his bed, or, probably worst of all, some centerfold or model.  Otherwise she’ll start comparing herself and the insecurities will enter again.

Slip: Absolutely — he needs to describe exactly what it is about seeing her in that lingerie.

So, Gary, if you’re imagining her shoulders, the curve of her back, her breasts swelling at the top of the corset, her bare thighs at the top of those stockings, then tell her.  Women love the sound of a male voice in their ear, whispering sweet somethings.  Depending upon your relationship and your fantasies, remind her of past intimate times the two of you have had and how the lingerie inspires more of the same — or better! *wink*

This way it’s not all about you, but what she’ll get — a continuing gift for her.

Just stay away from anything — anyone — that she could compare herself too.  No other babes; not real ones, not those drawn in comic books, or conjured up in your mind.  Just make it all about her and how you went out and got her that corset and stockings because you had to see her in them.

Such glorious details of how you see her and fantasize about her will work for any lingerie — and darn near any fantasy you have.

And ladies, this works for men too — so, if you want him to wear or try something new, tell him all about it.