11 Comments

1. Oh,dammit. Okay, I’ll write up a letter and mail copies to all those addresses. Thanks for the alert. I never watch VH1 anymore, so I didn’t know about this.

2. Thanks for supporting the cause!

3. Pingback: Tough Love’s Steve Ward on Victim Blaming « Editorializing the Editors
4. Pingback: Love Is Tough « In One Ear…

5. I completely agree with what Steve said – he wasn’t telling Arian that she should get raped, he just told her to stop acting like a whore & putting herself in a position where she could be raped. Thank you for all the contact info, I have already sent in letters of support for the show as have many other fans of the show.

   P.S. Your blog sucks.

6. Catherine, are you aware of what you just typed? You are clearly stating that it’s OK if sex workers (aka “whores”) or anyone who, by your definition, is “like a whore” gets raped.

   The only position Arian, “whores,” and those who “act like whores” are in is one of being blamed for whatever rape or abuse happens to them — which is being done by you, Catherine, and those like you who refuse to hold the rapists responsible for their actions.

   Until you face facts, you perpetuate myth-information, assist rapists, and further violate victims — and will, of course, remain
   steadfast in your ignorant opinions which led you to believe my blog sucks. Getting wise will help you to get hip.

7. I agree with Steve. Arian is a wreck and obviously gets it from her mother. Nobody deserves to be raped – ever – period. I’m quite sure, however, that woman who have been raped after drinking and partying irresponsibly are no longer behaving in the same way. As a woman, unfortunately, I can’t predict if I will ever be a victim of a sexual assault or not – but I do have control over how I present myself in public, how much alcohol I consume with whom and where, the crowds I run with, etc. I can protect myself as much as humanly possible. It may not be a guarantee but I’m not going to invite it into my bed.

8. Thanks, Nat. I agree with both you and Catherine. I feel that the statement isolated by itself can be taken out of context. There is no excuse for rape. But, the reality is that there are people of both sexes that take advantage of others in different ways that necessitate our need for caution. Steve’s intentions were in the right place.

   The feminist perspective is moved forward by reasonable, responsible role models and those who have fought hard for those that do not have a voice or equal standing in society.

   I see no point in attacking Steve or defending Arian or how blowing this situation out of proportion moves the feminist agenda forward. In fact, it is more important to challenge Arian to be a role model and an example of what is means to be a feminist and not excuse her for her inappropriate behavior. She has drawn disrespect from both genders, and in no way is moving the feminist agenda forward – if anything, she is hurting it.

9. “In fact, it is more important to challenge Arian to be a role model and an example of what is means to be a feminist and not excuse her for her inappropriate behavior. She has drawn disrespect from both genders, and in no way is moving the feminist agenda forward – if anything, she is hurting it.”

   More important to who? If you mean people who are interested in perpetuating a culture where it’s acceptable to blame victims of sexual violence for that violence, then yes, I agree.

   So tokenizing a woman is the way to push forward a feminist agenda? It doesn’t fall onto the woman in questions shoulders to do anything, she doesn’t represent anyone but herself. If her actions are questionable it’s completely irrelevant to the discussion of rape and it’s prevalence in this society.

   This post sums up the flip side of the “she was asking for it” position, that rape is horrible, and the way it can be solved is by women learning to behave better. Which is an incredibly dangerous fiction at best.

10. also, I can’t believe I failed to mention this before, 73% (www.rainn.org/statistics) of rape victims knew their attacker. Which completely blows the fucking lid off of the “some stranger in a bar is going to rape you” theory.

    The responsibility of preventing and stopping rape lies on the perpetrators, not the victims.

11. Blah blah blah to Catherine Nat Tim…

    So many facts to educate them on. So is a person who lives in a hot climate of has medical problems who dresses to not be uncomfortale to blame? Nope, it’s the person who see’s her and has sexual thoughts. t Just like the people who see kids and know they have the “power” to take adavantago of the kids trust and innocense.

    If any of the “titled” above are survivors, related/friends of survivors, or educated in psychology then they can argue truthfully. If not, then I can say they are just ugly in the face and say so even thought I never met them of saw their picture…right?

    Take your head out of the sewer of programming and live reality for once. Please argue your case when this happens to your mama, sister, friend, or someone you love.

    Dawn